dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
