my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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