You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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