An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
