awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
