dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
