this beer tastes like vomit already
there was a trapeze. enough said
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
