2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Randomize
