Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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