bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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