I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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