Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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