Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
where are my eyebrows?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
