Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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