How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
