I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A+ Viking dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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