false alarm. still invincible.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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