I haven't been this sober since birth.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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