There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
