he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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