my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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