when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize