yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
