For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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