After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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