Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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