im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
