I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
