I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
