jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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