Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize