My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
