): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
