i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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