By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
