i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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