sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
