Barsexuality is the new black.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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