if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im part way to drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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