all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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