..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
