Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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