God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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