Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
