How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
