Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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