I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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