apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
