The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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