She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
