If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize