I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
