Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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