I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My ass is underappreciated
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
