My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
