i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
