batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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