he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
