shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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