Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize