I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
