I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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