There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
