dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
